Christmas with Mom,, just the two of us, it couldn`t have been better, a turkey big enough for family, big enough for a large family, great pleasure and peace combined with tears of memory, tears of days gone by, several siblings have suggested Mom needs grief counseling and it`s caused a rather unsettling separation of what I once thought was a tightly bundled groups of branches....
Cancer, hideous cancer, time, my mortal enemy time, fire, revenge, justice, memories, sadness and finally peace, I attempted to explain grief to my now stoic siblings, mom will never stop grieving, nor will I, and why should we, the day one stops shedding tears is the day life itself stops.
We had a good cry on Christmas day, Mom and I visited 96 year old Grandma Ann, she was recently placed in a care home, she broke her hip 6 months ago and is fighting to get out, fighting to get back to her apartment and cat, she`s walking again, not like before but she`s trying, she is well aware that her current abode is nothing but temporary wharehousing, nothing but waiting to die, nothing but walls with ticking clocks and I`m helpless to stop it, all she needs is a little homecare or permanent company and no one will step up to the plate, my offer of caretaker and clock destroyer has been rebuffed, words of qualification and suitability are bandied around, thinly veiled smirks and poo-fooedness is directed towards my wide eyed senses, my offer of bucking the easy way out was dismissed as not normal....
Not normal, I pondered this moral platitude, not normal, the status quo resists change, the powers that be don`t want home care, a system of wharehousing living memories while wall-mounted clocks suck the very last breath out of each and everyone of them, tears, sadness, memories and smiles will always be part of Mom and no amount of grief counseling will change her, nor should it,.....
I was telling mother about this moral dilemma, to grieve or not to grieve, the greatest gift one has is internal. I explained to mom that anytime she wants she can think of dad, her mind, she can travel back decades in time and place her husband in her arms, or in bed next to her, Dad holding little babies or teaching his Son how to fish, think and most importantly how to dream.......
With that mom started shedding tears, so did I, how far her mind traveled back I don`t know, but wherever she went the tears were happy, my mind was thinking about Dad fighting a big wild Chinook Salmon, a long thin rod with a screaming reel, it was as though we both traveled back to serenity.
All of you, your children, ancestors, each and everyone of you have a theatre of mind....
Anytime we can remember the past, play a movie in our minds, sisters, brother, trials and tribulations, to grieve is to be human, to care, for without tears we wilt and die.....
And now I believe it`s movie time.....
Happy New Year
The Straight Goods
Cheers Eyes Wide Open
15 comments:
happy New Year Grant. Thank you. Thank your mom and I wish you nothing but the best in 2012.Your friend,Laila
Never stop writing Grant, happy new year to you and Mom. <3 Kim
Happy New Year Grant, I think your blogs are right on most of the time and I enjoy reading them. You really do keep our eyes wide open. Thank you.
Thanks for keeping the light on and everything else you do here.
Major changes dead ahead.
Be well.
P.S. i think You're likely on to something in your protest against the standing methods of "dealing" with the elderly. And so, i don't suppose you'll be surprised if i suggest that even within this area of our lives they are indeed engineering us to divide and--yes, you guessed it--
Cheers
Hello everyone. In order to have peace in your heart, you must accept what you cannot control.
I bid you peace in your heart, and the wisdom to continue fighting the fight.
I do agree with the comment "major changes ahead". I suspect not all will be good.
Your wisdom will help.
Grant, wishing you and your mom a Happy New Year! All the best for you in 2012.
Curt
My mindset had been heading in a different direction. After reading this Grant you have set that direction on the correct course.
I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year my friend, and if you are serious about Prosperity we may meet there this year.
What a beautiful cat. Cats never do allow anyone to know what they are thinking, ask my dog. Just when the dog goes to his bed and his eyes are drooping, the cat pounces on him. The cat gets the dog every time.
Of course your Mother will grieve for your Dad. She will never get over losing her husband, who has been by her side for many years. Your Mom will learn to accept losing your Dad, but she won't get over her loss. You won't get over your Dads death either. All you and your Mom can do is cope with it, until your hearts heal to a bearable degree.
My brother was just sitting at the table, tears rolling down his cheeks. Alarmed, I asked what was wrong. He said, I miss my mother. My brother was 53 years old, my mother had died, the 7 years previous.
I still miss my Mom and Dad too.
Our parents and grandparents, contributed to this country all their lives. They are who built this country. My parents sent 3 sons and a daughter to war. They had a farm and worked from 5 a.m. until 8 p.m....when the last cow was milked.
We were brought up to respect our elders, because we owe them. However, to the governments our elders are useless dead wood. They are to be rid of, the faster the better. The elderly are at the bottom of all lists for care and support. The Campbell/Clark BC Liberals put themselves, at the top of all lists. As does Harper. Their selfish goals come first.
Grant,
My sincere and deepest felt wishes for yourself and your mother this new years 2012.
My thanks,respect,and appreciation to you for the time you take to keep us all informed.
Much appreciated!
Don
The cat looks great! Pets frequently are our best friends when we suffer looses such as death.
Everybody grieves differently. A rush to get people into grief counselling some times is not the way to go. People need time to grieve and that is differnt for each person. If the level of grief starts to negatively impact a person's health then maybe professional help is required but just because some one is grieving and the rest of the family isn't comfortable with it, well the rest of the family can suck it up and get used to it.
Some people will go through periods of grief for the rest of their lives. It is not uncommon for people to continue to grieve for the loss of a loved one for 10 yrs. Id think some people just arent' comfortable with others who are grieving and therefore want them to stop.
I look forward to reading your columns this year and hope you and your Mother continue to do what is best for yourselves.
Your Dad will forever be with you and your Mom and shouldn't be forgotten or "gotten over".
Happy New Year Grant.....
We do know whats best for ourselves most of the time.
All the best in the New Year Grant, let the momentum of caring continue to build.
Hi Grant, it's been a while. Just wanted to say all the best, and thanks for all you've done this year on your blog. Let's hope 2012 brings some light into our lives!
As to the grieving...it's been a year since my Mom's death, which means it seems it only happened yesterday...while other days it feels like 30 years ago.
We all grieve differently, at different times, and for different reasons, while grieving for the same person. Sometimes, I think we kids tend to forget that a parent grieving over the loss of their life's partner is very different in depth, scope, and reason than ours. I sincerely hope your siblings will take that into account...respectfully...no one but your Mother has a clue as to all she has lost in that one man. May she be Blessed. And you.
Grant - check this website out -
http://www.commondreams.org/view/2012/01/03
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