About Me-email is... grant.go@aol.com

My photo
garden bay, west coast, Canada
persistent digging,never say never

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The One That Got Away

It`s what draws my spirit to the west west coast.....

Giant humpback whales were fishing alongside us most days, these enormous sea beasts would slap their massive flute(tail) on the surface scaring feedfish into a tight-ball, then with a dive below with their giant mouth open they would vacuum up mass quantities of baitfish, the daily show was awe-inspiring...

Yes indeed, that is my almost 80 year old mom steering the boat, she`s always on the wheel, she loves to steer and monitor the depth sounder, mom calls out fish depths, she also isn`t baggage, she requests different spoons and hoochies be put on the line, coyote spoons, green and blue hoochies, watermelon, wonderbread, peapod, oilslick, yes we have names for all the lures, .......

A fishing trip for the ages, well, that`s not quite true, it was more than fishing, tradition and carrying on, it`s what dad wanted, we sprinkled ashes from Port Alberni to Bamfield clear out to Cape Beale and the Pacific ocean....

You perhaps noticed the name of the boat, Stolen Time, that name had a lot of meaning to dad, from my earliest years dad always told me of take advantage of it, do it, time is fleeting, in a blink it`s gone, memories, smiles and tears, that`s all life is, don`t put off anything until tomorrow, that day may never come....

Stolen Time, meaning any time out fishing with friends and family was stolen from elsewhere, there is never enough, time that is....

This was my way of thanking Mom, thanking her for everything, all responsibility was on me, my job, run the boat, maintain the engines, fix everything that breaks, solves all obstacles and shoo them away, go without sleep and provide the muscle and strongback, why is it always low-tide when I`m packing fish and coolers off the boat...

My good friend Lane Baker joined us, an expert on everything, including shying away from the camera, a cabinet make, environmentalist and most notably, a minimalist, he lives by the motto, a person only needs enough, hence he has given away all his worldly possessions to others less fortunate, Lane needs only to experience things and not own them, but he too has ghosts haunting him...


Welcome to OUR PLACE

 Jim and I live in Napanee, Ontario.  We have five sons, two live in Ontario, two in British Columbia, and one in Nova Scotia, and we have thirteen grandchildren!

I was diagnosed in December of 2005 with early onset alzheimers.  In September of 2006 the diagnosis was changed to the language presentation of frontal temporal dementia (FTD).

I write in my Journal several times a month and I'm hoping my experiences and observations can help others on this journey.

Please feel free to sign our guestbook.



 Front page - www.jim-mary.com
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That`s Lane`s mom, she was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers in 2006, rather than run, hide or ignore she chose to write about her journey down this hideous road, she has a journal, a blog and support web site, she an invited speaker and expert who speaks about the disease everywhere and to everyone who will listen... She has 5 sons, and I know Lane doesn`t like his picture taken but ...

His mom has a picture of all the boys including Lane on her site....And I just happened to stumble by that picture..(sorry Lane)







It`s a very old picture, Lane is at the bottom...

My dad too worried about demons taking his mind, unfortunately the grim reaper and an assist by BC Liberal practices(non cleaning of hospitals) took dad away before the memory thieves arrived, maybe that is in a way, a small blessing, Lane expects this cruel affliction to rob him too, rob him of a lifetime, for without our memories what are we, the permanent stranger, lost with no direction home, for without a warm fuzzy recollection of familiarity, without conscious, without knowing turns quickly to...Without family, Dementia and alzheimers, perhaps that disease(s) is the most hideous of all, it tears family apart and strikes fear in those who for no reason, genetics and lottery, who shall become cattlized next, it runs in family, 2 of the 5 boys have a 80% chance of contracting this mind theft demon...

It was Lane, Neil and Mavis and my dad who inspired my favorite post, Storm of tears(in your eyes)...

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The Storm of Tears, (In Your Eyes)




Having immersed myself in the dark void of soulless data I find myself becoming increasingly bitter and callous......

If only you could see the world through my eyes, maybe you can, that is my ultimate goal, enlightenment, perhaps that is part of the media`s problem, do journalists see what we see, I can`t sleep anymore, the nightmares don`t stop...

I woke up to tears again this morning, how many of you wake up every other day with salty drops running down your cheeks, have the reporters and journalists stopped seeing, reporting, feeling so they can sleep, I have not that answer but I,..........But I need the tears, it reminds that I still care, my dad has been fishing without me all month, how he does it is beyond me he is over 80, he drags my mom up in the morning and prods her to the boat,a difficult task 20 years ago but now that my mom`s legs don`t work is amazing, a recent colon cancer survivor, lumps, bumps and breakdowns of body will not stop him, not only is he fighting the clock but also the demons.....

A fear of losing his mind has shaped his routine, no one wins that battle with time, at best you can hold the swinging pendulum at bay but for a moment, recently I was in a special section of the Maple Ridge hospital, the woman I was visiting is fighting for freedom, a girl too young to be looking for freedom, society stole her sanity and left her to fend for herself.......

Will her mind return is unknown, the vast majority of patients, victims, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers in this unit are lost, the visitors to this place are me, sons, daughters, lovers and as I observe, watch, document, sons talking to fathers, daughters to mothers and I see blank stares and fear, blank stares from these loved ones whose minds are gone, memories purged, emotions ripped from their souls only to be replaced with pills and water......And fear in the eyes of blood related visitors........

Fear of ending up in the same place, crossword puzzles and Sudoko have been standard fare for my dad for years, I know what his fear is, not the clock but the blank stare, he has no worries as he still betters me when watching/playing Jeopardy, I am looking forward to spending labour day weekend with my parents, fishing with mom and dad has always been a temporary tear stopper for me, China Creek and Bamfield will provide the backdrop......

Recently mom told me dad said to her that despite his fits of anger towards me at times that he thinks I`m brilliant, I have been waiting a lifetime to hear that, not that I am brilliant or special but who doesn`t need the occasional compliment, with my dad emotions have always been hard for him, where as my mom it`s the complete opposite, passion and anger bubbles through......

Someone blessed me with a mix of both, cold calculated analytical with uncontrollable emotions, I was raised with warnings about being cannon fodder, taught to think and decide, to examine all sides and be vocal, yet that price is tears when I sleep and thoughts that can`t be stopped, happiness is fleeting and eludes me and I can`t help but think of the blank stares of fathers and mothers whose minds have been purged and the children who live in fear of ending up in the same state.......

Why? Those empty minds sleep without tears and peace seems to be in their grasp, I have not any answers only more questions, I`ll be gone fishing next week and I will have arguments with my dad and lose every one of them and he won`t call me brilliant, he`ll call me something and when I sleep I will wake up to tears and any happiness will be but a facade, my earliest memories are of fishing with dad and mom wiping my tears away, I was never promised happiness, all I look forward to now is completion, you know what our goal is and damn it, even if it kills me we will continue......

And I wouldn`t want it any other way.



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Maybe it was Dad`s ashes, the sun shone everyday, wind was absent and giant chinook salmon terrorized our rods, the boat never ran better and every lesson dad yelled into my mind over my lifetime was as clear as day, My friend Lane Baker, the minimalist, perhaps that`s why he enjoys my company, I offer nothing but lore and wisdom handed to me from others, stories, tales of yore and a lens, a lens into my world, a world where man and beast co-exist in harmony....

A vocal curious lens, and of course the story, that`s my dad, he taught me how to deliver a story, told right the simplest of tales can excite...

We saw such varieties of species, Coho, Chinook, Humpback whales, porpoises, dozens of bird species, eagles, black bears, deer and elk, owls, 2 weeks soaking up mother nature only the westcoast can deliver, it makes resolve my pledge to fight Enbridge to the death, recharged my batteries, made clear what`s really important in life, China Creek, Bamfield, memories and tomorrow....

Everything went well, until.....

Until we got home...

As you know I spent a couple of months renewing Mom`s Burnaby house earlier this summer, while listening to late night AM radio..(Hello George Norry)...On 2 occasions in Burnaby(Capital Hill), late at night while listening and recharging my physical battery down our dead end street out came a massive black bear, 300lbs plus, a big healthy plump male in Burnaby, both times I rolled the window down and said..."Hello Mr. Bear"...The magnificent beast just gave me a penetrating stare and carried on, carried on right through mom`s yard, I, we never called any authorities, it was late at night and his home is in the greenbelt by the Burnaby refinery, .....

To my dismay, we just got back and on the news was a giant black bear sighting near willingdon and hastings, people by the hundreds according to BC`s conservation office called in fear, here I was, listening to the radio and watching a helicopter for hours hovering over and scaring this friendly black beast....

To my horror they finally tranquilized him, every report I heard on this particular bear he was described as "non aggressive".."no aggression to man"..

I was hoping that they would leave the bear alone until night(darkness) where he would make his way back to the greenbelt....

After he was tranquilized I called the BC conservation office and spoke to a charming young lady about our bear, perhaps when I mentioned the Burnaby bear she was expecting an irate caller....I told her the bear was from the North Burnaby greenbelt, also I said he`s a friendly bear, and suggested returning him home, she responded with frustration with society, she told me of hundreds of parents who were adamant the bear be shot, removed, eliminated, she also lambasted the media, any bear in a city media, helicopters hover, terrorize and wait for a story, the media whips up the dumb masses into a frenzy, she and her fellow officers wanted to leave the friendly bear alone, but with a helicopter hovering, with radio reports every few minutes the only destiny for this bear was a shot and relocation, he`s going to Harrison Hot springs....

1 north Burnaby bear and 200,000 human residents, no wonder the people were scared, scared stupid that is...

I`ll miss our friendly black bear....The one that didn`t get away




Perhaps Stolen Time has multiple meanings....




The Straight Goods


Cheers Eyes Wide Open



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Bears are really hungry this year. There was that massive die off, of the in river Salmon. Christy had put a gag order on the media, because of that die off. Fish farms also rerouted rivers, killing a vast number of fish. Our rivers, Campbell thieved and sold. They drain lakes, to top up their dams.

The freak weather we have these days, blossoms froze causing a reduction of berries.

The F.N. have banned, trophy Bear hunting. The hunters of course, go after the biggest Bears. This reduces the strongest Bears, therefore weakening the breed, of all species of Bears. Mother Bears are shot, leaving orphaned baby Bears.

In Canada. We are obliged to poison, rivers, (the rivers must have dams in them), to kill off even more fish. We must poison, streams, lakes, the land, the air, and the sea. All the fish must be poisoned. All the woodland creatures, must be killed off too. All the marine life must die, by death from Bitumen.

Perhaps when everything is poisoned and dead...Harper and the BC Liberals, "just maybe", will leave us alone. We will have nothing left for them to thieve.